I had to go to Wal-Mart last night for some things. Just a few things were on my list, so I neglected to take a cart because I didn't want to be one of THOSE people who gets a cart for two things.
As I was walking around, I was picking up things here and there. What started out as a pair of earrings, a small strainer, screen wipes, and stickers, quickly turned into a gallon of water, 5-pack tissue boxes, a few bowls, and some other things. I just needed to grab one more thing. I reached for it, and dropped a load in the process. I fell to my knees and began organizing my load a little better. If I just had a better way to carry it, I would be fine. But my arms were sore, and I was realizing that I should have just gotten a cart.
Since I too often neglect the Word of God, He typically reveals my weaknesses and speaks to me through situations and analogies to encourage me and remind me of my need for him. Even Wal-Mart shopping trips. In that moment, those tissue boxes were disappointments, the gallon of water was work, the bowls were family responsibilities, the stickers were my weariness in church hunting. By themselves, none were unbearable... but together, I couldn't carry them. And for far too long long I've insisted that I'm strong enough to carry everything in life alone, I don't need a cart. I've got this. I don't need God. That's what I was saying through my actions. And I thought that maybe I just wasn't carrying my load the right way, maybe I just needed to organize the load and get my priorities straight, and then I could carry it all on my own.
But that's not what it was. It was too big of a load to carry alone. I didn't intend to pick up so many burdens, but I did. And I couldn't carry them. I needed help, but I just didn't have it.
Thankfully, that's not the case with these burdens in life that are too much to bear alone. God is willing to carry my burdens, I just needed to reach a point where I was humble enough to admit I can't do it on my own. I'm not there yet, but I want to be. I don't want to be weak, but that's what I need in order to be strong in Christ. Lord, humble me, that I may give my burdens to you to carry for me, as I find peace and comfort in the road you've laid before me to journey upon.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Let your Faith be Shocking
I used to think it would be devastating if someone was shocked to find out that I was a Christian.
Today, God gave me a different perspective.
As I've become more open about my faith with friends, it seems to shock some people when they find out that "I'm not living" (translation: don't get drunk, do drugs, cuss, sleep around, etc). But, I'm glad they're shocked. It doesn't mean that I'm not being Christ-like-- I truly hope that because of Christ's work in me, they can see a difference-- it means that they don't feel judged or inferior or condemned, but that they feel accepted and loved and valued.
So if you're like me, and feel like shocking someone with your Christianity would make you seem like a failure as a Christian, don't beat yourself up. I don't believe that's how it should be. Let's shock them with our love and acceptance; shock them with how LIKE CHRIST we are instead of how LIKE "MOST CHRISTIANS" we are.
Who can you shock today?
Today, God gave me a different perspective.
As I've become more open about my faith with friends, it seems to shock some people when they find out that "I'm not living" (translation: don't get drunk, do drugs, cuss, sleep around, etc). But, I'm glad they're shocked. It doesn't mean that I'm not being Christ-like-- I truly hope that because of Christ's work in me, they can see a difference-- it means that they don't feel judged or inferior or condemned, but that they feel accepted and loved and valued.
So if you're like me, and feel like shocking someone with your Christianity would make you seem like a failure as a Christian, don't beat yourself up. I don't believe that's how it should be. Let's shock them with our love and acceptance; shock them with how LIKE CHRIST we are instead of how LIKE "MOST CHRISTIANS" we are.
Who can you shock today?
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Unexpected Provision
I wanted to share something that I hope will encourage you today, and perhaps even ignite a little more faith in Christ.
This morning I found out that I have the opportunity to be an after-school "tutor" of sorts with a few friends. I wasn't looking for a second job, or even extra income. But, I was planning on paying off the last little bit of my car and then saving like crazy. I am also hoping to find roommates and move out within the next year. It's extremely part-time, only about 6 hours per week, but it would allow me to save a good chunk of money. In the event I do move out, it would cover my rent plus extra expenses, without touching my primary salary. I still know very little, and it's possible that it won't end up working out. However, it reminded me that God loves to give and to bless us, even when we aren't looking, praying, or expecting anything.
I don't know what it is that you're worrying about today, or that you're wanting. But God knows. Have faith that He can and does provide, even in ways we don't expect at times we're not expecting it. That's just the kind of God He is. :)
This morning I found out that I have the opportunity to be an after-school "tutor" of sorts with a few friends. I wasn't looking for a second job, or even extra income. But, I was planning on paying off the last little bit of my car and then saving like crazy. I am also hoping to find roommates and move out within the next year. It's extremely part-time, only about 6 hours per week, but it would allow me to save a good chunk of money. In the event I do move out, it would cover my rent plus extra expenses, without touching my primary salary. I still know very little, and it's possible that it won't end up working out. However, it reminded me that God loves to give and to bless us, even when we aren't looking, praying, or expecting anything.
I don't know what it is that you're worrying about today, or that you're wanting. But God knows. Have faith that He can and does provide, even in ways we don't expect at times we're not expecting it. That's just the kind of God He is. :)
Monday, July 30, 2012
Life is Short
I thought my friend was joking when she told me our friend had died. It wasn't the news I expected to wake up to, but I knew that she would never joke around about something like that.
"He can't be dead. He's my age. We were just talking about him Friday night." So many thoughts flooded my head. I was in shock. I went about my day, hoping to distract myself from the cruel reality of this news. Perhaps if I don't think about it, it will make it untrue.
As we drove the three hours home, we talked about everything unrelated to our friend, but every so often, one of us would say, "He's dead." Not because we wanted it to be true, but to help us come to terms with the truth.
Just in the past few weeks I had been thinking a lot about how I regretted not getting to know my co-workers better that summer. It was a random thought. It had been 3 years since then, there was no reason it needed to come to mind. But it did, and I was regretting being intimidated and self-absorbed by not reaching out to everybody and thinking about how it would have been so much different had I been more outgoing the way I am now. But it's too late. He's gone. I can't relive that summer.
But it's not too late to move on and change. As sorrowful as this death is, God has reminded me that he wants me to learn from this. Life is short. I never know how long I'll have someone in my life. This friend that died was a true example of what it meant to show God's love to others. He was constantly sharing the gospel, and he was always looking to relate God to everything.
That's the legacy I want to leave. I don't want to be known as the girl who kept to herself and never reached out. I want to be known as the girl who had God's love in her and it was so evident that it came out in all my words and deeds. I want to love others in a way that can only be attributed to God's work in me.
Lord, help me to love like you do, and to take advantage of every opportunity I have to serve, love, and share you with those in my life.
"He can't be dead. He's my age. We were just talking about him Friday night." So many thoughts flooded my head. I was in shock. I went about my day, hoping to distract myself from the cruel reality of this news. Perhaps if I don't think about it, it will make it untrue.
As we drove the three hours home, we talked about everything unrelated to our friend, but every so often, one of us would say, "He's dead." Not because we wanted it to be true, but to help us come to terms with the truth.
Just in the past few weeks I had been thinking a lot about how I regretted not getting to know my co-workers better that summer. It was a random thought. It had been 3 years since then, there was no reason it needed to come to mind. But it did, and I was regretting being intimidated and self-absorbed by not reaching out to everybody and thinking about how it would have been so much different had I been more outgoing the way I am now. But it's too late. He's gone. I can't relive that summer.
But it's not too late to move on and change. As sorrowful as this death is, God has reminded me that he wants me to learn from this. Life is short. I never know how long I'll have someone in my life. This friend that died was a true example of what it meant to show God's love to others. He was constantly sharing the gospel, and he was always looking to relate God to everything.
That's the legacy I want to leave. I don't want to be known as the girl who kept to herself and never reached out. I want to be known as the girl who had God's love in her and it was so evident that it came out in all my words and deeds. I want to love others in a way that can only be attributed to God's work in me.
Lord, help me to love like you do, and to take advantage of every opportunity I have to serve, love, and share you with those in my life.
Sunday, May 06, 2012
Forgiven and Loved
Our sins have been removed as far as the east is from the west.
That floors me.
Just today, as I was driving, I was pondering. Thinking how necessary the judicial system is, yet how unlike God it is. Maybe that's why we have difficulty comprehending His ways sometimes.
In our society, criminal offenses are, understandably, ranked according to "major" and "minor" offenses and punished accordingly. Littering is a little sin that rarely gets anyone in trouble, speeding isn't a huge offense, but it's a common one, and things like murder can get you life in prison.
But in God's eyes, sin is equal. It all contributed to His son's death on the cross. He doesn't keep a criminal record on us. He doesn't rank our sin. He doesn't have laws where telling a lie gets us a greater punishment than murder or rape.
And there's no such thing as life in hell without parole.
You can be forgiven from the "unpardonable" without any more effort than a little sin because Jesus has already paid the penalty for all sins and it requires no "effort" (read: it's not works-based). He took what we deserved. And no I don't understand it, but I do believe it.
And even though police officers will set out speed "traps" trying to catch us doing something wrong, Jesus doesn't. When we've been forgiven, he sees us the way the Father sees us. He's not waiting for us to stumble, he's waiting to catch us when we do. He's not waiting for us to mess up, he's waiting to forgive us when we ask because we did.
You can lose your license for repeated traffic offenses. If God treated us that way, we'd be done. "Sarah, I see this is the 483rd time you've done this. I'll have to take your Christianity away." It just doesn't work that way. We might stumble so many times that we feel we could never represent Christ well.
But oh the beauty of grace. I am forgiven. And loved. And always will be.
That floors me.
Just today, as I was driving, I was pondering. Thinking how necessary the judicial system is, yet how unlike God it is. Maybe that's why we have difficulty comprehending His ways sometimes.
In our society, criminal offenses are, understandably, ranked according to "major" and "minor" offenses and punished accordingly. Littering is a little sin that rarely gets anyone in trouble, speeding isn't a huge offense, but it's a common one, and things like murder can get you life in prison.
But in God's eyes, sin is equal. It all contributed to His son's death on the cross. He doesn't keep a criminal record on us. He doesn't rank our sin. He doesn't have laws where telling a lie gets us a greater punishment than murder or rape.
And there's no such thing as life in hell without parole.
You can be forgiven from the "unpardonable" without any more effort than a little sin because Jesus has already paid the penalty for all sins and it requires no "effort" (read: it's not works-based). He took what we deserved. And no I don't understand it, but I do believe it.
And even though police officers will set out speed "traps" trying to catch us doing something wrong, Jesus doesn't. When we've been forgiven, he sees us the way the Father sees us. He's not waiting for us to stumble, he's waiting to catch us when we do. He's not waiting for us to mess up, he's waiting to forgive us when we ask because we did.
You can lose your license for repeated traffic offenses. If God treated us that way, we'd be done. "Sarah, I see this is the 483rd time you've done this. I'll have to take your Christianity away." It just doesn't work that way. We might stumble so many times that we feel we could never represent Christ well.
But oh the beauty of grace. I am forgiven. And loved. And always will be.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Quotes that sound good... But aren't really true
I feel like my facebook is always bombarded with those pictures that people keep sharing and liking. Some are good, and some just sound good. Here are some of the latter.
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into place." Lucille Ball
Is that in 1st Me 1:01? Because I'm pretty sure we're to love (others) because Christ first loved us. I don't remember ever reading that Jesus loved himself so much that he gave His only Son to die.
"I don't have time to hate people who hate me because I'm too busy loving people who love me."
The Bible has lots to say about loving your enemies, and about it really not being a big deal to love those who love you because it's easy. Instead, it says to love those that hate you, because that's going to be a sign to others that Christ lives in you.
Are there any quotes you've read or heard lately that just make you think, "that certainly sounds good, but it's really not true?"
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into place." Lucille Ball
Is that in 1st Me 1:01? Because I'm pretty sure we're to love (others) because Christ first loved us. I don't remember ever reading that Jesus loved himself so much that he gave His only Son to die.
"I don't have time to hate people who hate me because I'm too busy loving people who love me."
The Bible has lots to say about loving your enemies, and about it really not being a big deal to love those who love you because it's easy. Instead, it says to love those that hate you, because that's going to be a sign to others that Christ lives in you.
Are there any quotes you've read or heard lately that just make you think, "that certainly sounds good, but it's really not true?"
Three ways to be a Man without Leading a Girl on
Alright guys, you want to be a gentleman, but you don't want crazy girls analyzing every word you emphasized and move you made in search of a hint that you like her. Right? I can relate. Not as a guy, of course, but a girl who has to listen to other girls interpret your words and actions. Anyway, so here's my advice to you guys, and my only suggestion is that whatever manly things you do for girls, make sure you don't single a girl out with your actions UNLESS you truly are trying to single her out. :)
1. If it's after dark, or late, walk a girl to her car, even if you're not leaving quite yet. Especially on campus or in big parking lots. Even if there are multiple girls walking out, offer to walk the whole group out. Girls will almost never ask you to walk them out, and they will most often say "not to worry about it" if you offer, so phrase it in such a way that girls don't feel bad. "Hey, can I walk you out?" or "Let me walk you out" will sound more like you want to do this for them then "Do you want me to walk you out?" which could be taken as "I will if you want me to, but I'm sure hoping you don't."
2. Unless you know a girl is anti-hugging, then hug her if you are hugging other girls. Don't hug some and high-five others within the same group (I don't know any girls who like high fives, by the way, just as a side note). And on that note, if a girl doesn't want to be hugged, respect that. Either you creep her out, or she has good reasons (such as past abuse).
3. If it's exceptionally late, or the weather is bad, or you know a girl is stopping for gas after dark, then ask her to text you when they get home. Sometimes it's nice to know someone besides our parents care if we get home okay.
So there you have it guys. Nothing major, not a long list, just a few simple ways you can let girls know you care for them like sisters. Just to reiterate, DO NOT SINGLE A GIRL OUT UNLESS YOU TRULY ARE INTERESTED IN PURSUING SOMETHING WITH HER. Otherwise, you will be the topic of tear-fest girls nights (if there was such thing) as your every action and words are compared to what you did for other girls. If you single a girl out that you don't like, well, that's just not very manly. ;-)
Fine print: Some girls may not feel the same way about this as I do, so don't feel discouraged if you get rejected a time or two.
1. If it's after dark, or late, walk a girl to her car, even if you're not leaving quite yet. Especially on campus or in big parking lots. Even if there are multiple girls walking out, offer to walk the whole group out. Girls will almost never ask you to walk them out, and they will most often say "not to worry about it" if you offer, so phrase it in such a way that girls don't feel bad. "Hey, can I walk you out?" or "Let me walk you out" will sound more like you want to do this for them then "Do you want me to walk you out?" which could be taken as "I will if you want me to, but I'm sure hoping you don't."
2. Unless you know a girl is anti-hugging, then hug her if you are hugging other girls. Don't hug some and high-five others within the same group (I don't know any girls who like high fives, by the way, just as a side note). And on that note, if a girl doesn't want to be hugged, respect that. Either you creep her out, or she has good reasons (such as past abuse).
3. If it's exceptionally late, or the weather is bad, or you know a girl is stopping for gas after dark, then ask her to text you when they get home. Sometimes it's nice to know someone besides our parents care if we get home okay.
So there you have it guys. Nothing major, not a long list, just a few simple ways you can let girls know you care for them like sisters. Just to reiterate, DO NOT SINGLE A GIRL OUT UNLESS YOU TRULY ARE INTERESTED IN PURSUING SOMETHING WITH HER. Otherwise, you will be the topic of tear-fest girls nights (if there was such thing) as your every action and words are compared to what you did for other girls. If you single a girl out that you don't like, well, that's just not very manly. ;-)
Fine print: Some girls may not feel the same way about this as I do, so don't feel discouraged if you get rejected a time or two.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day... Single Awareness Day...February 14th...Call it what you want, it's typically a difficult day for those who aren't in a relationship. At least, it has been for me the past several years that I've been old enough to be considered a true single (which in my book means old enough to legally marry--18-- but not in a relationship).
But something was different this year. On December 27th, I decided that I would stop focusing on (read: idolizing) a relationship and instead pursue my first and greatest love, Jesus Christ. I have devoted this minimum of 6 months specifically to grow and change (by God's grace, with His help) into the kind of woman and wife that I believe God desires to me to be based on His Word. I have committed to praying for my future husband and our marriage, and for myself as a wife, daily during this time.
As a result, Valentine's Day was very different for me this year. Instead of focusing on the ONE thing I DO NOT have, I found myself immensely grateful for all the I do have. An amazing family who encourage and support me, wonderful friends who inspire me to strive for godliness, a new job complete with great students and supportive staff, and an abundance of other blessings.
Additionally, today I found myself hopeful. Rather than wallowing in self-pity, feeling like I'll never find the earthly love that I want, I found myself excited and hopeful that one day, hopefully soon, my heavenly Love will bless me with a husband that I could never have even dreamed about. This change in heart and perspective is most certainly not from me (those that know me well know how true this is! ;-)), but from God, and I am thankful for what He is doing in my life.
For those of you who are single like me, I can empathize with you. You might be, like me, watching a sibling get married soon. You may be experiencing jealousy towards a younger sibling who entered a relationship before you did. You may have been out tonight watching hundreds of couples celebrate a romantic dinner together. You may have scrolled through your Facebook news feed and seen mushy messages and statuses posted by friends in love, and all the pictures of their gifts. Can I assure you that I know how painful that can be? There is no magical solution for contentment. There is nothing I can say that will make it easier to get through Valentine's Day as a single. I won't repeat the thousands of cliches we singles hear daily from well-meaning non-singles who have deemed themselves experts on love and relationships and have the perfect formula for us "if we want to get married." It hurts, I know it does. I've cried and I've gotten angry by these comments. But there is one "cliche" I'd like to remind you of today. And this is it:
Jesus is the only love you need, and He loves you more than any spouse every will.
But something was different this year. On December 27th, I decided that I would stop focusing on (read: idolizing) a relationship and instead pursue my first and greatest love, Jesus Christ. I have devoted this minimum of 6 months specifically to grow and change (by God's grace, with His help) into the kind of woman and wife that I believe God desires to me to be based on His Word. I have committed to praying for my future husband and our marriage, and for myself as a wife, daily during this time.
As a result, Valentine's Day was very different for me this year. Instead of focusing on the ONE thing I DO NOT have, I found myself immensely grateful for all the I do have. An amazing family who encourage and support me, wonderful friends who inspire me to strive for godliness, a new job complete with great students and supportive staff, and an abundance of other blessings.
Additionally, today I found myself hopeful. Rather than wallowing in self-pity, feeling like I'll never find the earthly love that I want, I found myself excited and hopeful that one day, hopefully soon, my heavenly Love will bless me with a husband that I could never have even dreamed about. This change in heart and perspective is most certainly not from me (those that know me well know how true this is! ;-)), but from God, and I am thankful for what He is doing in my life.
For those of you who are single like me, I can empathize with you. You might be, like me, watching a sibling get married soon. You may be experiencing jealousy towards a younger sibling who entered a relationship before you did. You may have been out tonight watching hundreds of couples celebrate a romantic dinner together. You may have scrolled through your Facebook news feed and seen mushy messages and statuses posted by friends in love, and all the pictures of their gifts. Can I assure you that I know how painful that can be? There is no magical solution for contentment. There is nothing I can say that will make it easier to get through Valentine's Day as a single. I won't repeat the thousands of cliches we singles hear daily from well-meaning non-singles who have deemed themselves experts on love and relationships and have the perfect formula for us "if we want to get married." It hurts, I know it does. I've cried and I've gotten angry by these comments. But there is one "cliche" I'd like to remind you of today. And this is it:
Jesus is the only love you need, and He loves you more than any spouse every will.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
A look back at 2011
Highlights of 2011, in no particular order:
- Graduation
- My brother's engagement to Dee, my soon-to-be SIL that I am so thankful for!
- My younger brother's relationship with his girlfriend, Ambrey
- Buying my first car (let's see if that's a highlight in 2012 when it starts needing repairs ;-))
- My youngest brother's new school, which he loves
- Adopting Reilly, our sweet, loveable Golden
- Family reunion with my dad's side of the family
- Trip to camp in the summer
- Celebrating my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary and my parents' 25th!
- Having all my mom's sisters in at the same time in October
- Family (sans older brother and his fiancee) vacation to Myrtle Beach
- NEXT conference to Orlando, Florida
- Everything that God is doing in our family
- Many more I'm sure I'll sure I think of as soon as I click "Publish Post" ;-)
- Graduation
- My brother's engagement to Dee, my soon-to-be SIL that I am so thankful for!
- My younger brother's relationship with his girlfriend, Ambrey
- Buying my first car (let's see if that's a highlight in 2012 when it starts needing repairs ;-))
- My youngest brother's new school, which he loves
- Adopting Reilly, our sweet, loveable Golden
- Family reunion with my dad's side of the family
- Trip to camp in the summer
- Celebrating my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary and my parents' 25th!
- Having all my mom's sisters in at the same time in October
- Family (sans older brother and his fiancee) vacation to Myrtle Beach
- NEXT conference to Orlando, Florida
- Everything that God is doing in our family
- Many more I'm sure I'll sure I think of as soon as I click "Publish Post" ;-)
The End of a Year, the End of a Season
Along with countless other bloggers, here I am reflecting on the year, amazed that 2011 is coming to an end. For many people, this was "just another year," whereas for me, it was the final year in a 4 year season. On December 15th, I walked out of a local elementary school having just completed my final day of student teaching, my final day of undergraduate college. It will all become official on January 8th.
As my final day of college approached, I spent many moments reflecting on the past four years of my life. I feel like I can say these were the best four years of my life. It sounds so cliche to say I found myself, or that I changed so much, in college, but that truly is what happened by the grace of God. Entering community college in August of 2007, I was still a child, scared of what the world would bring. Now, in December of 2011, I am an adult, excited for what God will bring.
I recount the many times God was faithful in sustaining me through a day followed by sleepless nights. I think about the many car rides I shared with friends to school, the many children I got to teach, the many relationships I formed that I didn't deserve.
While I didn't "do college" the way many do, where you sleep through alarms, skip classes, get drunk on the weekends, and sleep with the guy of the week, I am able to look back on college with no regrets. The Lord was so gracious to me spiritually and academically. I believe in academic integrity, so even when it meant a possibility in lost points, I was able to be honest in all assignments, and only by God's goodness were my grades never affected even when there was certainly reason for points to be taken off (such as the time my brother deleted a video I needed and I had to re-record and turn it in late). I don't say this to brag on myself; of my own will, I could not write this testimony today. There were times I was so tempted to tweak my wording so that I was "technically telling the truth" or write an answer that someone said aloud during a test that I shouldn't have heard. But, God always prompted me to be honest, convincing me no grade was worth my integrity. I will graduate with a satisfying GPA, but more importantly, I will graduate with a testimony of God's faithfulness.
During my college years, I met friends that have become the closest and dearest to me. Friends I don't deserve, but have been blessed abundantly by. Friends who have helped me academically and spiritually, who have encouraged me when I was weak, made me laugh when I was stressed, let me cry when I was in the valleys. Friends who didn't give up on me when I was too busy to spend time with them, or when all I did was "take" because I was already "spent" by the time I got together with them.
And above the support of my friends, the support of my family, particularly my parents, was what made college possible. My parents paid for my tuition and let me live at home free of charge, so that my costs were low. Particularly during student teaching, when I was only making 45 dollars a week, they would often float me money to keep me from over-drafting and to make sure I had gas in my tank. They supported me academically. Although I'm an adult, it meant so much to me that they took interest in my academic life and expressed how proud they were of me, and they made sure I always knew that their love was unconditional and not dependent on my school performance.
To everyone who had a part in my college years, whether that means praying for me, being a friend, providing babysitting/housesitting jobs for income, encouraging me, etc., know that I am so thankful for you! I couldn't have looked on these years with the same fondness if it weren't for you.
I wish I had the words to express all my thoughts and gratitude to God for these years. But, since I don't, let me end by saying I look forward to the years ahead living out my calling as a teacher. I look at God's faithfulness to me these past four years, knowing that I will continue to be blessed throughout the job searching process and my years as a teacher. Whenever I'm tempted to doubt God's goodness, faithfulness, or love, I can look back on these years and be reminded of these things.
As my final day of college approached, I spent many moments reflecting on the past four years of my life. I feel like I can say these were the best four years of my life. It sounds so cliche to say I found myself, or that I changed so much, in college, but that truly is what happened by the grace of God. Entering community college in August of 2007, I was still a child, scared of what the world would bring. Now, in December of 2011, I am an adult, excited for what God will bring.
I recount the many times God was faithful in sustaining me through a day followed by sleepless nights. I think about the many car rides I shared with friends to school, the many children I got to teach, the many relationships I formed that I didn't deserve.
While I didn't "do college" the way many do, where you sleep through alarms, skip classes, get drunk on the weekends, and sleep with the guy of the week, I am able to look back on college with no regrets. The Lord was so gracious to me spiritually and academically. I believe in academic integrity, so even when it meant a possibility in lost points, I was able to be honest in all assignments, and only by God's goodness were my grades never affected even when there was certainly reason for points to be taken off (such as the time my brother deleted a video I needed and I had to re-record and turn it in late). I don't say this to brag on myself; of my own will, I could not write this testimony today. There were times I was so tempted to tweak my wording so that I was "technically telling the truth" or write an answer that someone said aloud during a test that I shouldn't have heard. But, God always prompted me to be honest, convincing me no grade was worth my integrity. I will graduate with a satisfying GPA, but more importantly, I will graduate with a testimony of God's faithfulness.
During my college years, I met friends that have become the closest and dearest to me. Friends I don't deserve, but have been blessed abundantly by. Friends who have helped me academically and spiritually, who have encouraged me when I was weak, made me laugh when I was stressed, let me cry when I was in the valleys. Friends who didn't give up on me when I was too busy to spend time with them, or when all I did was "take" because I was already "spent" by the time I got together with them.
And above the support of my friends, the support of my family, particularly my parents, was what made college possible. My parents paid for my tuition and let me live at home free of charge, so that my costs were low. Particularly during student teaching, when I was only making 45 dollars a week, they would often float me money to keep me from over-drafting and to make sure I had gas in my tank. They supported me academically. Although I'm an adult, it meant so much to me that they took interest in my academic life and expressed how proud they were of me, and they made sure I always knew that their love was unconditional and not dependent on my school performance.
To everyone who had a part in my college years, whether that means praying for me, being a friend, providing babysitting/housesitting jobs for income, encouraging me, etc., know that I am so thankful for you! I couldn't have looked on these years with the same fondness if it weren't for you.
I wish I had the words to express all my thoughts and gratitude to God for these years. But, since I don't, let me end by saying I look forward to the years ahead living out my calling as a teacher. I look at God's faithfulness to me these past four years, knowing that I will continue to be blessed throughout the job searching process and my years as a teacher. Whenever I'm tempted to doubt God's goodness, faithfulness, or love, I can look back on these years and be reminded of these things.
Saturday, October 08, 2011
A Lifetime Commitment
Ever since I was a young girl, I dreamed of being a wife. I couldn't wait to get married and become a mom. That desire has never gone away and is stronger now than ever before. A few weeks ago, though, I was thinking about marriage and the thought was overwhelming. The idea that, if God's plan is for me to be married, that I will find one man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Someone that I will love so much I couldn't imagine a day going by without loving him. A man I love so much that every day my love grows for him. A man who will I see at his worse and still won't want to be with anyone else. This thought seems overwhelming, likely because I haven't yet found someone to love that way. But, at the same time it excites me so much. I can't wait to find that one guy God has planned for me to be with and love for the rest of my life. Someone I grow old with and laugh with, someone I can follow and serve and support and encourage.
Then, I thought about all the people who thought they found this love, only to become discontent in the marriage. Whether after a few short years, or many long years, marriages are crumbling in this culture. We blame children, we blame work, we blame life. We're too quick to give up on things when they aren't going the right way, and this carries into marriage. Commitments aren't taken seriously. A wife gets a terminal illness so the husband chases a healthy woman. A husband goes through a busy season at work and the wife finds someone who has more time for her. Lies. Shame. Guilt. Trust is broken, and hearts are shattered. It makes me sad that we live in a culture that doesn't value marriage the way it was designed. It gets hard and we give up. Someone "better" comes along, so we walk out thinking we found the answer to a happy life. Hollywood glamorizes this. If you Google "Movies with adultery" you'll get over 4 million results. If that doesn't surprise you, how about this? If you Google "songs about divorce" you'll get over 21 million results and "movies about divorce" yields over 62 million. Songs about marriage doesn't even result in 16 million. Hollywood is making millions dollars off making infidelity funny or heart-gripping. Our children are being exposed to this twisted mindset. 2/3 of divorcing couples have minors in the home. 50% of first marriages end in divorce and who are the majority of people getting divorced? Adults whose parents were divorced. Marriages end because of "irreconcilable differences," but I'm not convinced there's such thing. This is crazy to me.
I want to fall in love. I want to love the same man more and more every day of my life. I want to be in the 50% of marriages that last, but more than that, I want to be in a marriage built on Christ asking myself, "How can I be more like Christ in this relationship? How can I love my husband the way Christ calls me to love him?"
To some, this seems like a little girl's fairytale, but to me, I truly believe it's possible because of Christ. And I can't wait for the day I say "I do" to a lifelong commitment. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse... all the days of my life.
Then, I thought about all the people who thought they found this love, only to become discontent in the marriage. Whether after a few short years, or many long years, marriages are crumbling in this culture. We blame children, we blame work, we blame life. We're too quick to give up on things when they aren't going the right way, and this carries into marriage. Commitments aren't taken seriously. A wife gets a terminal illness so the husband chases a healthy woman. A husband goes through a busy season at work and the wife finds someone who has more time for her. Lies. Shame. Guilt. Trust is broken, and hearts are shattered. It makes me sad that we live in a culture that doesn't value marriage the way it was designed. It gets hard and we give up. Someone "better" comes along, so we walk out thinking we found the answer to a happy life. Hollywood glamorizes this. If you Google "Movies with adultery" you'll get over 4 million results. If that doesn't surprise you, how about this? If you Google "songs about divorce" you'll get over 21 million results and "movies about divorce" yields over 62 million. Songs about marriage doesn't even result in 16 million. Hollywood is making millions dollars off making infidelity funny or heart-gripping. Our children are being exposed to this twisted mindset. 2/3 of divorcing couples have minors in the home. 50% of first marriages end in divorce and who are the majority of people getting divorced? Adults whose parents were divorced. Marriages end because of "irreconcilable differences," but I'm not convinced there's such thing. This is crazy to me.
I want to fall in love. I want to love the same man more and more every day of my life. I want to be in the 50% of marriages that last, but more than that, I want to be in a marriage built on Christ asking myself, "How can I be more like Christ in this relationship? How can I love my husband the way Christ calls me to love him?"
To some, this seems like a little girl's fairytale, but to me, I truly believe it's possible because of Christ. And I can't wait for the day I say "I do" to a lifelong commitment. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse... all the days of my life.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Too Used to Sin
For those that have had the joy of driving in my car (*wink*) in the past several months, you know that my car was not a luxury ride... in fact, it was quite annoying. Why? Because the roof latch broke, so the roof was constantly rattling. At times it shook so badly and was so loud that you'd think the car was about to fall apart. My carpool girls were always so gracious by saying it "isn't that bad," but I was embarrassed when people drove with me. It was awful when it came to having conversations. If the windows were down (which often they had to be, due to no working AC), it was next to impossible to do anything buy yell to communicate. I got used to it and it rarely bothered me, but I was very aware of it when people were with me, and I was always apologizing for it.
Anyway... as of last night, this is a non-issue. My dad got the part for the car and fixed it. You'd think I would have noticed right away that it wasn't rattling. But I didn't. I had gotten so used to the constant noise. However, after a bit of time into my ride, I noticed the quiet, and rejoiced in the absence of the noise.
And, it got me thinking how that constant noise is like sin in my life. Sin becomes so much a part of me that I rarely notice it until I sin around others and find myself embarrassed and apologetic. Unlike the car roof, sin is not an easy fix. At least not in my life. And even though at times I may struggle less in certain areas, I'm never immune to it. With God's help, I will continue battling sin until the day I die. But, how wonderful it is to know that at the cross my sins were paid for by the blood of Jesus. I am no longer a slave to sin. I am forgiven, always. Hallejuah!
Anyway... as of last night, this is a non-issue. My dad got the part for the car and fixed it. You'd think I would have noticed right away that it wasn't rattling. But I didn't. I had gotten so used to the constant noise. However, after a bit of time into my ride, I noticed the quiet, and rejoiced in the absence of the noise.
And, it got me thinking how that constant noise is like sin in my life. Sin becomes so much a part of me that I rarely notice it until I sin around others and find myself embarrassed and apologetic. Unlike the car roof, sin is not an easy fix. At least not in my life. And even though at times I may struggle less in certain areas, I'm never immune to it. With God's help, I will continue battling sin until the day I die. But, how wonderful it is to know that at the cross my sins were paid for by the blood of Jesus. I am no longer a slave to sin. I am forgiven, always. Hallejuah!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Waiting for Life to Begin
"I can't wait to do that... after I graduate."
These are the words I find myself continually thinking and saying lately. I have fallen into the mindset that once I graduate, then life will start.
"I can't wait to go on summer missions trips... once I graduate and have a real job."
"I can't wait to be more involved in such and such... once I don't have homework taking up all my time."
"I can't wait to go back to work at camp... once school it over and I don't have summer classes."
"I can't wait until I'm not so busy... after I graduate."
"I can't wait to buy a car... after I graduate."
"I can't wait to move out... after I graduate."
While I don't think there is anything wrong with me being excited about the opportunities I will have once I graduate, it is wrong that I've become so graduation-focused that I've lost sight of the many opportunities I have NOW. But, when I think about-- really think about it-- I realize that many of things I'm looking forward to are under the assumption that with graduation comes a job and a salary. That's not promised to me.
But, what it promised to me is God's faithfulness. And He is abundantly faithful to me as I write 12 page case studies...as I teach lessons that flop... as I stay up until 2 or 3 am multiple nights in a row writing papers... as I fill up my gas tank a little at a time because money is tight.
I want to be thankful and content right where I am now. As I dream of the future, I want to be content in the present. As I long for independence... I want to be content in my dependence. As I desire more opportunities to travel the world... I want to be content in my local commute to school and work.
These are the words I find myself continually thinking and saying lately. I have fallen into the mindset that once I graduate, then life will start.
"I can't wait to go on summer missions trips... once I graduate and have a real job."
"I can't wait to be more involved in such and such... once I don't have homework taking up all my time."
"I can't wait to go back to work at camp... once school it over and I don't have summer classes."
"I can't wait until I'm not so busy... after I graduate."
"I can't wait to buy a car... after I graduate."
"I can't wait to move out... after I graduate."
While I don't think there is anything wrong with me being excited about the opportunities I will have once I graduate, it is wrong that I've become so graduation-focused that I've lost sight of the many opportunities I have NOW. But, when I think about-- really think about it-- I realize that many of things I'm looking forward to are under the assumption that with graduation comes a job and a salary. That's not promised to me.
But, what it promised to me is God's faithfulness. And He is abundantly faithful to me as I write 12 page case studies...as I teach lessons that flop... as I stay up until 2 or 3 am multiple nights in a row writing papers... as I fill up my gas tank a little at a time because money is tight.
I want to be thankful and content right where I am now. As I dream of the future, I want to be content in the present. As I long for independence... I want to be content in my dependence. As I desire more opportunities to travel the world... I want to be content in my local commute to school and work.
Life has already begun... I'm not waiting on anything I need that I don't already have. Everything that has been promised to me is already being fulfilled regardless of my circumstances.
I just need to start living in these promises, not living for the future. Life is now. I don't want to waste it away in shallow dreams and uncertainties when I have big callings and promises already.
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Goodbye, Molly
In the fall of 2002, our beloved border collie/sheltie mix, Lady, passed away peacefully in the kennel while we were vacationing in New Hampshire. It didn't take long before we began looking for another dog, as the emptiness in the house was hard to handle.
At that time, Joel was only 10 months old, so we needed a gentle breed. Golden Retrievers fit the bill, so we began our search. Weeks upon weeks we searched online for a dog and went to adoption days through local rescues. No dog was "it" for us. Then, on December 28th, I visited the site of a Golden rescue and saw the description for Molly (Ginger, then). It was mom and dad's anniversary, so I had to wait for them to get back from their dinner date, but as soon as mom read it, we were both certain she'd be perfect. Mom called the fosters immediately and set up a time to visit right after church the next day. Right away, we knew she was the one. The kindest, gentlest dog I'd ever met. She was so good with Joel, too, which was a necessity. We found out that after we called, they had gotten several other phone calls. They wanted to keep her, but knew they had to give her up, and they told us we couldn't have been more perfect for her.
Molly had a rough beginning. Up until her rescue, she was tied up in the backyard all the time, she was flea and tic infested, and didn't know how to play. We had to teach her how to fetch, we had to prove to her we'd feed her and she didn't have to be protective of her food, we showed her that the broom was nothing to be afraid of-- we weren't going to hit her with it. In a short amount of time, she began showing her true Golden personality, and this is what we fell in love with over the years.
She was a sweetheart from the time we got her until her death. She was a trampoline for Joel when he was still a baby, and put up with so much roughness from him, never hurting him. Even this past week, when we knew she was sick and dying, she remained sweet, only grunting if we accidentally pet her where it hurt. I've never seen a more loving or forgiving dog.
I think some people may think my sorrow and tears are too excessive, but anyone that has ever known Molly, knows I didn't just lost a dog, but a friend and companion. She was there when I first started driving, got my license, graduated high school, began college, graduated from community college, went to Mexico and Russia. She was there when I came back from two summers away at camp and when I got my first job. So many "big" things in my life happened when she was here.
Even to the end, I feel like she was staying alive just for us, because she loved us so much. But, because, in return, we loved her so much, we had to put her out of her pain. This past week has perhaps been the most painful in my life. Watching her suffer was so hard. Just over a week ago she was perfectly normal and healthy, and the next thing we know she's diagnosed with cancer and just given a few days to live. She would look like she was going to die, and then she'd look like she might get better.
I am thankful we were able to spoil her during her final days. She got eggs, hot dogs, and chicken (some of her favorite foods), she got to roam the park, she got a long car ride, she had friends visit her, and it snowed on her last day. I can't help but know that that was not only God's blessing to us, but to her. While it wasn't the ideal way to start the new year, I'm glad we had one last Christmas with her healthy. I'm glad she didn't pass while my mom was on vacation. And I'm glad my brothers and I are on break from school so that we could maximize our time with her during her final days.
My dad is not an animal person, and would never let on that he loved Molly. However, last night, he even shed a few tears. If that's not evidence enough of the kind of dog she is, I don't what is. He never cries over dying animals!
The past week has been hard, but I imagine the coming days without her presence will be even harder. Her absence in my room at night while I sleep, no one by the door to greet me when I get home, no cute face looking out the window when I come downstairs in the morning, no clicking of nails on the floor to greet visitors at the door, no bark when a squirrel runs by the back door, no one to eat dropped food while cooking, no lapping of water from her bowl when I let her in from outside, all remind me of the painful emptiness. They remind me she's gone.
I am so thankful for the 8 years we had with Molly. I don't think we'll ever find as good of a dog as she.
Miss you, baby girl! You're always loved and never forgotten.
At that time, Joel was only 10 months old, so we needed a gentle breed. Golden Retrievers fit the bill, so we began our search. Weeks upon weeks we searched online for a dog and went to adoption days through local rescues. No dog was "it" for us. Then, on December 28th, I visited the site of a Golden rescue and saw the description for Molly (Ginger, then). It was mom and dad's anniversary, so I had to wait for them to get back from their dinner date, but as soon as mom read it, we were both certain she'd be perfect. Mom called the fosters immediately and set up a time to visit right after church the next day. Right away, we knew she was the one. The kindest, gentlest dog I'd ever met. She was so good with Joel, too, which was a necessity. We found out that after we called, they had gotten several other phone calls. They wanted to keep her, but knew they had to give her up, and they told us we couldn't have been more perfect for her.
Molly had a rough beginning. Up until her rescue, she was tied up in the backyard all the time, she was flea and tic infested, and didn't know how to play. We had to teach her how to fetch, we had to prove to her we'd feed her and she didn't have to be protective of her food, we showed her that the broom was nothing to be afraid of-- we weren't going to hit her with it. In a short amount of time, she began showing her true Golden personality, and this is what we fell in love with over the years.
She was a sweetheart from the time we got her until her death. She was a trampoline for Joel when he was still a baby, and put up with so much roughness from him, never hurting him. Even this past week, when we knew she was sick and dying, she remained sweet, only grunting if we accidentally pet her where it hurt. I've never seen a more loving or forgiving dog.
I think some people may think my sorrow and tears are too excessive, but anyone that has ever known Molly, knows I didn't just lost a dog, but a friend and companion. She was there when I first started driving, got my license, graduated high school, began college, graduated from community college, went to Mexico and Russia. She was there when I came back from two summers away at camp and when I got my first job. So many "big" things in my life happened when she was here.
Even to the end, I feel like she was staying alive just for us, because she loved us so much. But, because, in return, we loved her so much, we had to put her out of her pain. This past week has perhaps been the most painful in my life. Watching her suffer was so hard. Just over a week ago she was perfectly normal and healthy, and the next thing we know she's diagnosed with cancer and just given a few days to live. She would look like she was going to die, and then she'd look like she might get better.
I am thankful we were able to spoil her during her final days. She got eggs, hot dogs, and chicken (some of her favorite foods), she got to roam the park, she got a long car ride, she had friends visit her, and it snowed on her last day. I can't help but know that that was not only God's blessing to us, but to her. While it wasn't the ideal way to start the new year, I'm glad we had one last Christmas with her healthy. I'm glad she didn't pass while my mom was on vacation. And I'm glad my brothers and I are on break from school so that we could maximize our time with her during her final days.
My dad is not an animal person, and would never let on that he loved Molly. However, last night, he even shed a few tears. If that's not evidence enough of the kind of dog she is, I don't what is. He never cries over dying animals!
The past week has been hard, but I imagine the coming days without her presence will be even harder. Her absence in my room at night while I sleep, no one by the door to greet me when I get home, no cute face looking out the window when I come downstairs in the morning, no clicking of nails on the floor to greet visitors at the door, no bark when a squirrel runs by the back door, no one to eat dropped food while cooking, no lapping of water from her bowl when I let her in from outside, all remind me of the painful emptiness. They remind me she's gone.
I am so thankful for the 8 years we had with Molly. I don't think we'll ever find as good of a dog as she.
Miss you, baby girl! You're always loved and never forgotten.
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Molly
This is my sweet girl, Molly. She's been diagnosed with cancer and won't be with us much longer, but she has been an absolute blessing in our lives the past 8 years. She is one form of proof that God gives good gifts to His children. :) While I'm a mess just thinking about losing her, I know that we've given her a good life and she's given us lots of love. She will be dying in peace, and for that I'm thankful.We're making the most of her last days... giving her her favorite foods and doing some of her favorite things (car rides and parks). She's so happy during those moments and I love watching her.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Quotes
I'm not feeling particularly inspired to write at the moment, but I do want to update my blog, so instead of hearing from me, here instead are 2 great quotes from those who are older and wiser than I. :)
"Beware in your prayers, above everything else, of limiting God, not only by unbelief, but by fancying that you know what He can do. Expect unexpected things, above all that we ask or think. Each time, before you Intercede, be quiet first, and worship God in His glory. Think of what He can do, and how He delights to hear the prayers of His redeemed people. Think of your place and privilege in Christ, and expect great things!" - Andrew Murray
Friday, November 12, 2010
“You’re not as bad as most.…”
Those were the words that came from my professor’s mouth when I was talking to her about a recent paper I wrote. She had said that the papers our class had written were taking so long to grade because of all the grammatical mistakes we had made. Concerned, I let her know I was “worried” about it, and that was the response she gave to reassure me.
In a way, I took comfort in this reassurance. I wasn’t as bad as most. That’s good. That means, if I fail, then most everyone else is failing right along with me. At least I wouldn’t be alone in my misery. Then it hit me…
God is speaking.
Yes, He has a way of doing that. Ever so gently, the Lord was telling me something that I needed to hear. You see, too often this statement echoes in my mind when it comes to sin. “You’re not as bad as most…” And I get that same comfortable feeling once again knowing that when I’m “failing” at life, others are “failing” right along with me.
But I shouldn’t be comfortable. Where in the Bible does it say there’s comfort in knowing you aren’t as bad as most? Nowhere. The thing is, I am not only just as bad, I’m worse than most. And there’s certainly no comfort in knowing that others are dishonoring God in the way they live their lives, too.
The good news, however, is that because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, I’m going to spend eternity with my Father. Yes, my wickedness put Him on the cross, but yes, his mercy and love saved me on that same cross. My sin that put Jesus on the cross is the same sin that I am forgiven of on that cross. Hallelujah!
I’m still bad… I still mess up… but by the blood of the Lamb, I’m saved… I’m loved… I’m forgiven.
In a way, I took comfort in this reassurance. I wasn’t as bad as most. That’s good. That means, if I fail, then most everyone else is failing right along with me. At least I wouldn’t be alone in my misery. Then it hit me…
God is speaking.
Yes, He has a way of doing that. Ever so gently, the Lord was telling me something that I needed to hear. You see, too often this statement echoes in my mind when it comes to sin. “You’re not as bad as most…” And I get that same comfortable feeling once again knowing that when I’m “failing” at life, others are “failing” right along with me.
But I shouldn’t be comfortable. Where in the Bible does it say there’s comfort in knowing you aren’t as bad as most? Nowhere. The thing is, I am not only just as bad, I’m worse than most. And there’s certainly no comfort in knowing that others are dishonoring God in the way they live their lives, too.
The good news, however, is that because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, I’m going to spend eternity with my Father. Yes, my wickedness put Him on the cross, but yes, his mercy and love saved me on that same cross. My sin that put Jesus on the cross is the same sin that I am forgiven of on that cross. Hallelujah!
I’m still bad… I still mess up… but by the blood of the Lamb, I’m saved… I’m loved… I’m forgiven.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Post-NEXT
Well, I just got back from a beyond amazing weekend in the city for the NEXT conference. I went into it excited to see how God would work, but not wanting to expect too much for fear of disappointment. However, God had crazy plans! :)
I could go on and on about everything that happened, but will instead highlight some major points for me:
* Greeting-- I got to be be a greeter again this year and had so much fun. From traffic officers to strangers on the street (interesting conversations, I'll leave it at that, haha) I will treasure those first moments at NEXT this year.
* From Josh Harris' Message- My major conviction here was that what I said I believed about God was definitely not lining up with how I was living my life. I would say I trust God in all areas and know He is good and will provide. But some areas of my life definitely did not show that. Also, I came away from this really wanting to study doctrine more and for myself, and not always run to my brother for answers as the easy escape.
* From Kevin DeYoung's 1st Message- That I will not remember every message I listen to and will not always be excited about quiet times (may even find them boring), but that I still need to keep sowing and remember that God is at work (which I think ties in with CJ's message).
* From CJ's Mahaney's Message- What really stuck out with me in this message is that I have to contribute to Sanctification. Yes, God has the power to change us, but we have to do our part. Too often I get tired of fighting sin and really just want to say, "Okay, God, I've battled this sin long enough and nothing is changing. Please just bless my efforts thus far and take away the struggle. I'm done." But, that's so NOT how it is. So, even though it's obvious, it was a good reminder and really encouraging.
* From Kevin DeYoung's 2nd Message- I don't want to go into why this one was so convicting for me, but it really was. It really made me examine my heart a lot.
* From Jeff Purswell's Message- I just really got excited about the end times after this message (not in a morbid way, though). I rarely read about it or hear messages about it, so for me this was probably the first time I learned about the end times. It was so good!
* From community group- how good quiet times can be and how to have an effective one. Reading the passage multiple times is a major must-do for me because I get distracted easily. Other really helpful stuff, too. :)
* Family groups- loved the people in my group and I really felt we related well and had a lot in common. Great, humble, encouraging leader, too. I'm sad we didn't exchange contact info, but maybe I'll get to see some of them next year. :)
*Affinity groups- got to meet and hear from teachers and soon-to-be teachers about what it's like to be a Christian teacher in a public school.
* Fellowship-- lots of good conversation with old and new friends.
* Fun and memories-- this weekend holds so many funny and dear memories for me that I hope I won't soon forget.
If you can make it next year, I highly recommend it. It's going to be in Orlando!!! :)
Messages available online and they are definitely worth listening to.
I could go on and on about everything that happened, but will instead highlight some major points for me:
* Greeting-- I got to be be a greeter again this year and had so much fun. From traffic officers to strangers on the street (interesting conversations, I'll leave it at that, haha) I will treasure those first moments at NEXT this year.
* From Josh Harris' Message- My major conviction here was that what I said I believed about God was definitely not lining up with how I was living my life. I would say I trust God in all areas and know He is good and will provide. But some areas of my life definitely did not show that. Also, I came away from this really wanting to study doctrine more and for myself, and not always run to my brother for answers as the easy escape.
* From Kevin DeYoung's 1st Message- That I will not remember every message I listen to and will not always be excited about quiet times (may even find them boring), but that I still need to keep sowing and remember that God is at work (which I think ties in with CJ's message).
* From CJ's Mahaney's Message- What really stuck out with me in this message is that I have to contribute to Sanctification. Yes, God has the power to change us, but we have to do our part. Too often I get tired of fighting sin and really just want to say, "Okay, God, I've battled this sin long enough and nothing is changing. Please just bless my efforts thus far and take away the struggle. I'm done." But, that's so NOT how it is. So, even though it's obvious, it was a good reminder and really encouraging.
* From Kevin DeYoung's 2nd Message- I don't want to go into why this one was so convicting for me, but it really was. It really made me examine my heart a lot.
* From Jeff Purswell's Message- I just really got excited about the end times after this message (not in a morbid way, though). I rarely read about it or hear messages about it, so for me this was probably the first time I learned about the end times. It was so good!
* From community group- how good quiet times can be and how to have an effective one. Reading the passage multiple times is a major must-do for me because I get distracted easily. Other really helpful stuff, too. :)
* Family groups- loved the people in my group and I really felt we related well and had a lot in common. Great, humble, encouraging leader, too. I'm sad we didn't exchange contact info, but maybe I'll get to see some of them next year. :)
*Affinity groups- got to meet and hear from teachers and soon-to-be teachers about what it's like to be a Christian teacher in a public school.
* Fellowship-- lots of good conversation with old and new friends.
* Fun and memories-- this weekend holds so many funny and dear memories for me that I hope I won't soon forget.
If you can make it next year, I highly recommend it. It's going to be in Orlando!!! :)
Messages available online and they are definitely worth listening to.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Am I as Excited about God as many people are about Lost?
After reading through status after status on Facebook about the Lost finale, I was prompted with the question, "What if I got as excited about God as these people do about Lost?"
Can you say conviction? I personally am not a Lost fan (and not because I don't like it, but just because I've never seen it. However, I can definitely replace Lost with shows that I like.
What if I looked forward to going to church as much as I do about the Amazing Race?
What if I enjoyed my daily reading of the Word as much as I enjoy Modern Family?
What if singing songs of worship to God made me as happy as watching the Bachelor(ette)?
What if I really lived every day as if God was the most important part of my life? I say that He is, and I do love Him, but when I really think about it, what I tend to get most excited about are the fleeting pleasures of the world.
I'm not saying I'm never excited about church, the Word, or worshiping God. And I'm not saying I live for TV. However, I almost always look forward to watching these shows, but I don't always look forward to opening my Bible, getting out of bed and ready for church, or singing songs that seem "old" or "overplayed". Yet, these TV shows didn't die for me. They don't love me. They have no compassion for me, nor extend grace or forgiveness to me. Jesus did. And He is the one I should ALWAYS (every single second of my life) look forward to learning from and about, singing to, and worshiping.
Lord, may I ALWAYS be as excited about you and your Word as I am about certain TV shows. Let me be completely consumed by you so that TV, when seen in it's rightful place, cannot compare to what I have in you. Please forgive me for the many times I have found greater pleasure in watching shows that dishonor you than I do in worshiping and honoring you, the one who gave your life for me.
Can you say conviction? I personally am not a Lost fan (and not because I don't like it, but just because I've never seen it. However, I can definitely replace Lost with shows that I like.
What if I looked forward to going to church as much as I do about the Amazing Race?
What if I enjoyed my daily reading of the Word as much as I enjoy Modern Family?
What if singing songs of worship to God made me as happy as watching the Bachelor(ette)?
What if I really lived every day as if God was the most important part of my life? I say that He is, and I do love Him, but when I really think about it, what I tend to get most excited about are the fleeting pleasures of the world.
I'm not saying I'm never excited about church, the Word, or worshiping God. And I'm not saying I live for TV. However, I almost always look forward to watching these shows, but I don't always look forward to opening my Bible, getting out of bed and ready for church, or singing songs that seem "old" or "overplayed". Yet, these TV shows didn't die for me. They don't love me. They have no compassion for me, nor extend grace or forgiveness to me. Jesus did. And He is the one I should ALWAYS (every single second of my life) look forward to learning from and about, singing to, and worshiping.
Lord, may I ALWAYS be as excited about you and your Word as I am about certain TV shows. Let me be completely consumed by you so that TV, when seen in it's rightful place, cannot compare to what I have in you. Please forgive me for the many times I have found greater pleasure in watching shows that dishonor you than I do in worshiping and honoring you, the one who gave your life for me.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Why I'm Graduating from Community College
I feel kind of silly doing it. I mean, I just completed my first semester at the university, so why would I go back to graduate from the school where I only completed the first half of my undergraduate degree? Well, because to me, it was more than just a school.
When I remember my time at HCC, I remember how God worked in my life. I remember the fear I had of college. In high school I would dwell on and dread the fast approaching college years, wondering how a shy girl would ever survive. Yes, I even had a mini panic attack one night. I figured it was only four years of my life though, and I could trudge through it, no matter how much I hated it. However, I came to love college. I loved my classmates, my professors, my commute, my campus, my friendships, my experiences; everything. I grew so much as a person and as a Christian.
As I remember my time at HCC, I remember having my Savior attacked by a professor. I remember sitting there, too fearful to defend the One who gave His life for me.
I remember my honors Sociology class with a peculiar mix of people, where I met one of my dearest friends, Amy. I remember the first conversation we had, she asked me if I took a Mother-Daughter self-defense class (I guess I have a twin out there). I hadn't, but from that day on, the ice was broken and as we talked, we learned, pretty much from the beginning of our friendship, that we shared a love for Christ. Since then, we've become closer. She really lives out what it means to be free and forgiven in Christ. I feel I learn more about God and His love every time I'm with her. Few people I know are as real and honest as Amy. Oh, and in that class I think we shared more notes than we took, but we both ended up with A's, so it's all good. ;-)
I remember Biology, a class I shared with my friend Karen and the class where I met my friend Roger. I learned little about biology, but I did learn that God is amazing in how he works. Through Roger I got involved in a house church, and through my time at the house church, I really saw the love of Christ lived out. The church is a family, they love each other so much, yet welcome in strangers as their own kin. The 9 months or so that I went on a regular basis was one of the times in my life that I felt the most in love with God, and I believe God worked through these dear people to encourage me in my faith. I felt so loved. I've gotten busier with school and life and rarely make it to the house church, but when I can make it, I am welcomed back with open arms of love. Oddly enough, that was Roger's only semester at HCC, but I see how God had our paths crossed so that I could meet some amazing people.
I remember my Visual and Performing Arts class and my Interpersonal Communication class; the classes I dreaded the most, but ended up loving the most. I've never had so much fun with school assignments as I did working on a Hawaii culture assignment (VPA) and visiting an elderly care facility (IP Communication). I see how God worked in me through that, to show that He works out everything for my good.
I remember how God through worked college to show me I have nothing to fear. The years I prayed that God would change me and take away my fear of talking to people were answered. The girl who entered HCC in the fall of 2007 is not the same girl who will be graduating tomorrow.
I remember the conversations I had with friends-- the silly and lighthearted to the deep ones that involved tears and seeing God at work. I remember the Campus Christian Life Club meetings and events (especially the Gingerbread house decorating event and the free hot chocolate outreach). I remember the spring fling. I remember my first "school dance" (no dates, just a winter swing dance with friends that I almost didn't go to, but had an amazingly fun time). I remember my professors. I remember barely passing History, getting my first C. I remember having a class with a girl who lost one of her parents, and another class with a woman whose husband had a stroke. The classes surrounded these women with support and I knew I was in a good place if anything happened to me. I remember the "parking game" (which every college commuter should know, ha). I remember my car accidents on the way to school. I remember many late nights of studying. I remember moments of God's grace... over and over and over, never once deserved.
I'm sure I have more memories that I'm just not remembering (what else is new?) at the moment. I am excited to graduate tomorrow, no matter how silly it seems. As I hear my name called and walk across that stage to receive my diploma tomorrow, I will be reminded of all these things and more. I never thought I would come to love a school, especially a college, so much. Yet, HCC carries so many good memories for me, and I am blessed to have had it as a major part of my life for the past 5 semesters.
When I remember my time at HCC, I remember how God worked in my life. I remember the fear I had of college. In high school I would dwell on and dread the fast approaching college years, wondering how a shy girl would ever survive. Yes, I even had a mini panic attack one night. I figured it was only four years of my life though, and I could trudge through it, no matter how much I hated it. However, I came to love college. I loved my classmates, my professors, my commute, my campus, my friendships, my experiences; everything. I grew so much as a person and as a Christian.
As I remember my time at HCC, I remember having my Savior attacked by a professor. I remember sitting there, too fearful to defend the One who gave His life for me.
I remember my honors Sociology class with a peculiar mix of people, where I met one of my dearest friends, Amy. I remember the first conversation we had, she asked me if I took a Mother-Daughter self-defense class (I guess I have a twin out there). I hadn't, but from that day on, the ice was broken and as we talked, we learned, pretty much from the beginning of our friendship, that we shared a love for Christ. Since then, we've become closer. She really lives out what it means to be free and forgiven in Christ. I feel I learn more about God and His love every time I'm with her. Few people I know are as real and honest as Amy. Oh, and in that class I think we shared more notes than we took, but we both ended up with A's, so it's all good. ;-)
I remember Biology, a class I shared with my friend Karen and the class where I met my friend Roger. I learned little about biology, but I did learn that God is amazing in how he works. Through Roger I got involved in a house church, and through my time at the house church, I really saw the love of Christ lived out. The church is a family, they love each other so much, yet welcome in strangers as their own kin. The 9 months or so that I went on a regular basis was one of the times in my life that I felt the most in love with God, and I believe God worked through these dear people to encourage me in my faith. I felt so loved. I've gotten busier with school and life and rarely make it to the house church, but when I can make it, I am welcomed back with open arms of love. Oddly enough, that was Roger's only semester at HCC, but I see how God had our paths crossed so that I could meet some amazing people.
I remember my Visual and Performing Arts class and my Interpersonal Communication class; the classes I dreaded the most, but ended up loving the most. I've never had so much fun with school assignments as I did working on a Hawaii culture assignment (VPA) and visiting an elderly care facility (IP Communication). I see how God worked in me through that, to show that He works out everything for my good.
I remember how God through worked college to show me I have nothing to fear. The years I prayed that God would change me and take away my fear of talking to people were answered. The girl who entered HCC in the fall of 2007 is not the same girl who will be graduating tomorrow.
I remember the conversations I had with friends-- the silly and lighthearted to the deep ones that involved tears and seeing God at work. I remember the Campus Christian Life Club meetings and events (especially the Gingerbread house decorating event and the free hot chocolate outreach). I remember the spring fling. I remember my first "school dance" (no dates, just a winter swing dance with friends that I almost didn't go to, but had an amazingly fun time). I remember my professors. I remember barely passing History, getting my first C. I remember having a class with a girl who lost one of her parents, and another class with a woman whose husband had a stroke. The classes surrounded these women with support and I knew I was in a good place if anything happened to me. I remember the "parking game" (which every college commuter should know, ha). I remember my car accidents on the way to school. I remember many late nights of studying. I remember moments of God's grace... over and over and over, never once deserved.
I'm sure I have more memories that I'm just not remembering (what else is new?) at the moment. I am excited to graduate tomorrow, no matter how silly it seems. As I hear my name called and walk across that stage to receive my diploma tomorrow, I will be reminded of all these things and more. I never thought I would come to love a school, especially a college, so much. Yet, HCC carries so many good memories for me, and I am blessed to have had it as a major part of my life for the past 5 semesters.
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