Thursday, July 20, 2017

Dear God

Dear God,

I get it a little more now. That crazy love you have for me that I will never fully understand, but every once in awhile you let me grasp it a little more. Well,  today I got to grasp a little more.

I looked into the car seat mirrors of my favorite baby boys and felt such delight in my heart. Not because they can do anything for me... in fact, they were driving me a little nuts, that's why we were in the car in the first place. I NEEDED to get them out of the house and do something for my sanity because I couldn't take one more cranky whining episode. (#keepingitreal @notalwaysSupernanny)

But the 5 minutes before we walked out the door was completely forgotten when I stared in the mirror and saw their smiles, heard their voices chattering words I'll never understand, hearing them sing along with me, and being silly as they looked at each other.

That was my "aha!" moment. This is what it means when you say you delight in me. I don't get how you can love me when you get nothing from me but stubbornness and rebellion, and yet you still wants to commune with me,  you still delight in watching me enjoy life.  You don't just tolerate me, you delight in me because you LOVE me. Even when I'm so unlovable. Even when I'm as miserable as a teething baby who won't nap and craps his diapers after 45 minutes of sleep and won't go back to bed. Yes, that's how "delightful" I feel sometimes and STILL you love me. So amazing, so undeserved.

Oh Lord, I won't ever fully get it, but today I understood it a little more. Thank you for delighting in me.

Love your not-always-so-delightful daughter,


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