Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Surrender

Surrender is so hard. I don't get it. Surrendering to a God who knows everything about me, my past, my future and who loves me and has my best in mind should be the easiest thing to do. It's certainly logical. But somehow that doesn't seem to make a difference to me. Somehow I convinced myself that I'm the best person to be in control of me. Then, I end up in the position I'm in.

I have a hard time surrendering my desires, hopes and feelings (in the area of relationships/marriage) to God. I don't know why, but I have this mindset that if I say, "God, I'm going to wait for you to bring a husband along and be content with the gift of these single years and focus on you. I surrender my hopes and desires for a relationship to you trusting you'll bring the right guy along when the time is right, if you have marriage in store for me," then I'm giving up on ever wanting a relationship. I almost feel as if I surrender, then I'll lose the desire for marriage...and I think that scares me because I hear, "Chances are if you want to be married, then God will bless you with marriage." I end up thinking if I lose the desire than it means I won't get married. Pretty twisted, huh?

Then comes the other side. I want it too badly and I don't think God would give me a relationship because that's like giving me my idol. I mean, I honestly feel I'm letting go, but I'm not to a full surrender yet. I also want my surrender to be because I see God as completely enough for me, not because I think God will give me a relationship as soon as I surrender.

So, that's where I am now. Feeling like I'm on the edge of surrendering but not willing to take that final step that will have me plunge into complete trust in God.

~Have you ever been in a situation where you were resisting surrender in a particular area (or multiple areas)?
~How did God break you of it? What was the outcome?
~Looking back, what do you wish you had known in the midst of it?
~Were there any particular bible verses, songs, poems, or stories that encouraged you during that time (or that you've come across since then)?

1 comment:

Kristin said...

Hey Sarah!
I think I've been everywhere you have been and what you said made complete sense!! A couple things that I learned along the way...One is that it is a process. Looking back, if God were to immediately give me contentment in the area of singleness...I would have missed growing in faith and the joy that came as my faith grew in this area. It was NOT an overnight fix. Another thing is remembering that God is both good and sovereign. He isn't sitting there laughing because you aren't getting what you want. I think its helpful to remember that He is after your heart...and that when He has it completely You will be so in love with Him that there will be no other desires. Anything else will be part of the cup that is running over...not the cup that needs to be filled. Finally, it was helpful to remember that He gives us strength for the day. You don't have to look 5 years in advance or 20 years of 50 years and try to imagine being single all those years. Take it one day at a time, knowing the strength has been given for the day and that in this season you have been given an amazing gift that if you get married you won't ever get back. That is to pursue God without distractions.